Found it

I found the problem with me: Its jealously

I'm jealous of how others are able to balance their time with their work and at home with play so well

I'm jealous of how each person seems to have this incredible level so stamina and focus when approaching any task - this passion and drive which I lack.

I'm jealous how everyone seems at least as perceptive, if not more wiser and intelligent, than me. That all my thoughts seem so shallow - so...stupid. Just a bunch fo emo rants.

And finally, I'm jealous of how each person seems to be able to live each day coping with their stress, their worries, their obstacles, without succumbing. While I, weak of spirit, falter at the mere sign of "stretching myself"

And the worse part is that I cannot bring myself to change myself. Its just that I'm not sure why: Is it because I cannot do so, or because somewhere, subconciously, I don't want to?

I've always been disillusioned with life - yet people always represented to me a strange kind of potential; a hope if you will. What I've lost all faith in now is myself.

I no longer have anymore courage to continue forward. In fact, I wonder if I ever had any at all.

Signing off. Good night.