And so is paranoia. And Self-pity. And Angst.
So guess what? I'm gonna indulge in all of them.
Or maybe I would, if I could first get this bloody pile of homework off me back long enough to reach the razor blade...
Don't really know whats up with me these days. I'm got mood swings so often they look like Sin curves. Does not help my point that we just studied wave phenomena either. *mutter..mutter*
So one minute I feel all happy/inspired/crazy, the next I'm all emo and paranoid and "THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME" sorta thing. Right now its still swinging between the two. Rawr Rawr Rawr Rawr Rawr.
See. I blame the Sugar. If I stopped taking the stuff my wrist will probably stop vibrating so much. That way I could actually hit it. (Cause my other wrist, the one with the er...erm, metal object won't be vibrating at 10000 khz either)
So well. I'll just list a list of problems that are bugging me. Maybes peoples will sees this lists of words and actuallys comes to comforts mes.
Spamming 'S' is so fun.
But really. On to the list:
1) Why the HELL am I still drawing?! I've got homework, studies, EE, TOK all sorts of shit I need to start planning and preparing for and all I can think about; heck all I WANT to do is draw. Girls. Cute Anime Girls. No this is not an addiction. Nor is it the fault of horomones (or maybe it is...). I do draw guys too you know.
But still, I can't help feeling that my drawings aren't good. I shouldn't really bother with drawing, and that NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. Which...is to be expected really. Cause everyone's too busy with Chem IA to actually go browse me blog/gallery.
Still...I feel kinda sad.
2) Relationships. You know parasites? Those little things that stick on people and suck their brains out? I feel like that at times. Sucking people's brains out. Or rather, sucking their time away. Like some sort of disturbance in their lives.
Paranoia dictates that I also suspect people of doing the same to me. Hence, should I one day begin running around the school in a biohazard suit, spraying OFF! at every humanoid lifeform I see, please take the tranquiliser gun you have stored inside the classroom closet, and shoot me with it. About three or four might be needed before my sugar-pumped system crashes (What, you think I'll do that kinda thing without getting drunk on sugar first?).
But thats all I can really do. Joke about it. Cause somehow I don't really think lifes all gloom and doom. Problem is, Teenage angst dictates otherwise.
3) Ability: Yeah, yeah I think most people heard me rant about this before. But I always feel overshadowed. There, I said it. Overshadowed. Or ignored, whichever you prefer. Its like every damn thing I can do, someone else can do better. If I can lick my eyeballs with the tips of my tounge, some other guy in the class next door will be able to lick his forehead. Stuff like that. But I've got this one sorted out the most. Just do and do, and leave it to the pros to handle the pros stuff. I'll just tackle the children's swimming pool. At least I get some fun.
I could think of more, but I'll just leave it here. People and homework and food. The three joys and worries of my life. May the steamed pork-buns watch over you, young pandan-cake. I shall go and mug/dohomework/stone/draw/engageinactsofselfdestruction. All of them are pretty much the same in the end anyway.
Chances are, only 3 people will read this post. And only 1 will reply. Pessemistic? Maybe. Am I an attention whore? Definately. An attention whore that's light sensitive, and hence hates the spotlight.
See how screwed up this is?
And in case anyone asks me, I still concur with the very first statement:
Emo is bad.
But Reason is worse.