Friday, February 15, 2008

When my friends speak of focusing, I usually feel some envy

Its not that I cannot focus. Its just hard for me to. Most of the time my mind should i put it, scattered. Just concentrating gives me a headache

I'm not sure if this is a by product of trying to "expand my horizons" mentally, but frankly, its expanded too much. Now I can't seem to bring it back together again.

My thoughts are messy and strange, my words do not make sense, and my essays are unorganised and at best, confusing. It makes me rather worried at the number of times i have to resort to the old standby "You know what I mean..."

Some of my friends think emoing is stupid or bad. I'm half convinced by that. There is a fine line between the commonly held "negative emo" and contemplation. I like to think that I contemplate a lot, rather than emo.

Honestly. If you see me just sitting there, quietly looking at the floor, its not emoing. Emoing is when i start shaking as well. Emoing is when i start talking to people, because thats the only way to get rid of emo. Contemplation is something done in silence, done in solitude, to encourage a clear mind.

And God knows I need a clear mind for this.

I'm going to try organising my life. Its putting a large amount of stress on my shoulders, but frankly, I think I can take it. The main point of this post is just so I can tell someone (whoever reads this blog) what I'm going, hence putting a sort of "peer pressure" onto myself.

Lets just see how things work out

I'm taking it slow, so many things to do,
Yet always, always; I'll find time for you.

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